The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
