So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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