PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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