Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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