never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize