So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
