so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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