so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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