so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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