how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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