Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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