if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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