I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
