Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
two words: eviction party
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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