This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
