one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
