i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
