on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
