yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
