My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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