I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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