My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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