my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
