She said her name was "party"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There r osticjed everywhere
There's always time for handjobs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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