: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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