It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
