I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
