Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
