Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
