there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
