Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
After last night, I could never be a politician.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
