The maid of honor just puked.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
