I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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