Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
