Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
