I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
