i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
