Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
