Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
third nipple confirmed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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