I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
