i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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