i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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