I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it's like heaven, but drunker
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
