Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize