uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
