If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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