Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize