I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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