I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
