he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The uberlube is also flammable
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
