You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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