I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
