Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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