I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
