You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
