You smell like stripper and shame
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
