OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
