we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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