Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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