I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
