I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize