it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
