whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
