You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
