Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
