Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
