Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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