Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just had sex on a roof
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
