I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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