I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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