dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
