I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
