some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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