I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
