If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
