drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
