If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
