Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
