So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He felt like a one man threesome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize