im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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