there was a trapeze. enough said
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
