Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
