My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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