I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
