i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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