every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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