My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
