she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
