Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
