I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
