exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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