Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
