just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
